I’m sorry I haven’t been posting much recently. I’ve been busy and I’m on tumblr now and just…. yeah.
BUT. There’s something I need to talk about here. I’m growing up.
I’m going to be 16 years old on Tuesday.
This is of course, exciting. It’s also a little scary and it’s also a mile marker.
16 means a lot of things. The obvious one is a party with all your friends, which isn’t going to happen because…. well, it just isn’t, (mainly because I don’t have friends to invite but that will be remedied in college here very soon, mark my words) and driving, which can’t happen for me till I’m 18 due to the expense of the required driving school course in this state. (If you wait till you are 18 you can get your licence for free).
I guess you could say this makes sixteen a little less thrilling than it should be. But that’s okay because it means something else.
It means I’m holding myself to a new standard. It means I’m that much closer to college next year. It means that I’m SIXTEEN and I SHOULD BE BETTER AT STUFF BY NOW. Next year I’m going to college. That’ll mean I’m practically an adult. Am I ready for that? I have to be.
Then comes getting a job and a car and driving and friends IRL and having an apartment and moving to Chicago and just…. so many plans I made for the distant future are suddenly looming ahead of me.
Am I ready for 16? Do I pass that maturity test?
I think I have a circling view of this growing up thing. See, I always hear people talking about how young people such as myself think they know everything and they’re really wrong about a lot of things and we need to be more mature and we need to this and we need to that.
And I find myself doing what I suppose most of us don’t and applying this to my life, and it makes things very complicated. Every decision I make is clouded in my usual indecision, of course, but also a shroud of, “Is this a bad decision because I’m young and inexperienced and dumb? Should I ask someone who is old and has wisdom? Should I rely on my instincts? Are my instincts wrong because they’re the same age as me? I don’t know how to life!”
I guess that’s what it comes down to. I don’t know how to life and it scares the crap out of me.
What does being 16 mean? What does it entail? What’s expected of me? How am I supposed to change? Will it even make any difference at all?
A lot of things can come of this. A lot of things can make this approaching Sept. 29th less than thrilling, but I have decided to take a deep breath and put it all away. I’m going to not think about what this means and worry about the future and be afraid of all the things I’m afraid of this Tuesday. I’m just going to enjoy the moment, for once in my life, and appreciate what it is for what it is now.
I’m not going to worry about how to life or college or everything. I’m just going to be for a few days.
If it makes an difference though, I can almost guarantee that posts regarding my concerns on subjects such as how to life will be forthcoming because I will be getting very worried about these things come the 30th. 😄